Oh, Kyle
by Sakazaki-Chan
Summary: Cartman and Kyle have just started sophomore year, thing is, Cartman's got a plan for his prey this year- the Jew-rat WILL be his.
1. Chapter 1

Eric Cartman was a dick. A racist, obese, anti-Semitic dick.

Now here he was, 15 years old, choosing his prey. He'd screwed with Kyle Broflovski his entire adolescent life, leaving him alone during middle school due to the fact that Kyle had become stronger, and could probably beat his ass if he said something. But now, Kyle had grown 5 inches over the summer and all his muscle turned into smooth, slim skin. His movements were awkward like a new born giraffe's, and his hair was still as messy as ever.

Cartman was now a towering 6'2, and he had in fact grown into his body, though he still was overweight, girls now saw him as a teddy bear, not that he was interested in girls.

It was the first day of sophomore year, and the boys lined up at the bus stop. Stan had just came back from Florida the day before, and had a hard time adjusting to the cold weather of Colorado. Kenny had spent another summer doing drugs, and was skinny with skin covered in pock marks, and the little jew-rat had spent all summer at a Jewish camp. Cartman himself had stayed at home all summer, hanging out with Butters.

Cartman smirked as he turned and looked at his victim. "Hello, Kahl."

Kyle hadn't talked to the fat-ass since the beginning of sixth grade, and honestly, didn't know if he'd changed or not. "What, fat-ass?"

"Hey! I am not fat! Jew-rat.." The red-head rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, Cartman."

"Mmkay, I was just wondering what your homeroom was. Mine is 216.."

Kyle turned his bookbag and took out his paper. "216. Goddammit!"

"See you there, Kahl." The taller boy smirked as the bus rolled up.

_ Let the games begin._

As the big yellow bus rolled up to South Park High School, Cartman was shaking with excitement. Once inside, he hung back until Kyle entered the classroom and found his seat. Cartman walked in, stopping by Bebe's desk to say hi (Bebe was a summer fling), and then planted himself at next to Kyle.

"Hello, Kahl." Cartman smiled and ran his hands through his hair.

Kyle flicked his eyes to the fat-ass next to him.

"Yes?" He asked, taking out a notebook and pen.

"How was your camp?" Cartman turned his entire body to face him.

Kyle looked up and saw him staring at him with his big brown orbs for eyes. It was no secret, Kyle was gay and had a soft spot for brown eyes. Kyle blushed and immediately looked down.

"Why do you wanna know, fat-ass?" he asked, looking up with his eyebrows together and a blush prominent on his cheeks. Cartman leaned forward and looked him in the eye. Kyle could smell the mint mouthwash on his breath.

"I'm curious, Kahl." he said it simply, and turned around quickly as the teacher entered the class. Maybe Cartman HAD changed.


	2. Chapter 2

Kyle had received his schedule, in which Cartman compared his to. They had Chemistry, Government, and Geometry. And in every single class, the fat-ass sat next to him. Kyle at first thought it was just merely a coincidence since their names were close together, but he knew for a fact Mr. Fagitz didn't assign seats.

Kyle was getting annoyed. He didn't really have any friends in any of the classes, since Kyle was a genius and all his friends fell short of the advanced placement curve.

Except Cartman, who sat so arrogantly, as if, he had a right to be there next to him.

He didn't. After everything he put him through? He still woke up shivering. But now, here he was.

It had been one week since school started. Cartman was a douche. A giant douche to everyone but Kyle.

Oh no, Kyle was treated with the utmost respect.

Every day after school, Cartman would walk Kyle home, and if he so much as shivered, the larger boy would remove his bright red parka and place it over the day-walker. It made Kyle a little skeptical, but the generosity was accepted nonetheless.

One afternoon after school, Kyle sat in his room, staring at the ceiling waiting for a text back from Stan. Instead of a notification ping from his best friend, the room resounded with his house's traditional doorbell. The red-head jumped.

"I'll get it!" he shouted, running out of his room, down the hallway, down the stairs to the front door. When he opened it, he was surprised.

"Cartman? What the hell are you doing here?!" He asked, half angry-half confused.

"I was bored, Kahl." The brunette shrugged and eyed the red-head with lazy brown eyes. Kyle stiffened, and looked down at his pants. He smoothed and straightened his clothing.

"It's Friday. Let's do something." Cartman said, eyeing Kyle's nervous fidgeting with reserved interest. He had never controlled himself for this long EVER. But he had to, if Kyle were to like him, of course. The red-head thought for a moment.

"Hey, let's go to...hmmm...the movies! I'll get my wallet." Kyle turned to run back upstairs, but a meaty paw grabbed his arm.

"I'll handle it, Kahl." The red-head blushed a deep crimson. He would never, ever tell anyone this, but he was starting to like the fat-ass.

The movie was boring, not that Kyle was actually paying attention. He was still freaking out due to the fact that Cartman took him to a movie and actually bought him candy.

While Kyle stuffed his gob with gobstoppers, Cartman was paying less attention to the movie and more to the lithe red-head next to him.

He stifled a laugh behind his yellow mittens. Kyle heard the small, but coherent chuckle and looked to the boy on his right and turned the color of a ripe pomegranate. "What?" he asked, putting a curly piece of hair behind his ear. It bounced back out to the front of his pale, freckled face.

"The way you eat is odd. I've never seen anything like it before."

"Well, that's because you shovel it into your mouth, fat-ass." Kyle retorted, turning brighter and redder with every word.

"I was just saying. I like it, Kahl." And he didn't say anything else the entire night. Not even when he walked him to his front door.

"Night, Cartman." The larger boy just smiled and walked away. Kyle smiled happily as he shut the front door and went upstairs.

The smile was still apparent on his face as he turned off the lights and went to bed.

* * *

**Yayyyyy, cahpter one is over! What do you think, frahnds? I'm very happy about this thingy-thing! Very happy**

**Have a nice day everyone! Please favorite, follow, and review!**

**Okay, I think I think I think I really just wanna write another chapter and do a 2-in-1, but, like I feel this fanfiction will be very slow moving, and that makes me go :(**

**I need something suspense-y, since I put suspense.**

**UUNNGHHHHH WHAT SHOULD I DO**

**I WANNA PUT LIKE**

**A NON SEQUITUR IN HERE JUST FOR KICKS.**

**BUNNY? SHOULD IT BE BUNNY?**

**GIVE ME IDEAS, BECAUSE, LIKE, NEITHER OF THEM ARE GAY, EVEN THOUGH BUTTERS ACT LIKE A FAIRY. REMEMBER HIS REACTION TO BACKDOOR SLUTS 9 XX? AND KENNY, OH GOD KENNY. HE'S STRAIGHT AS HELL. AND HE'S NOT A DOUCHE OKAY.**

**okay, I'm sorry.**

**:)**


	3. I did a non sequitur! Love me

**Some other dimension far away...**

"We could be fucking. That's all I'm saying" Kyle bit the tough plastic off the condom pack.

Cartman grunted, and shifted his rather large body to upward, leaning his circular head on his meaty hand. His brow rose lazily.

"Kahl, why are you opening a condom? I'm not in the mood. We just had Chipotle, and I've got the shits." Kyle shook his Jew-fro and looked at Cartman with pleading hazel eyes. The red-head was usually never horny, and even when he was, he'd never act this desperate.

Suddenly, a sick smell touched both of their noses.

"KAHL, THAT'S GROHSS!" Cartman screeched, jumped up from their satin duvet and ran to their adjoining en suite to grab a can of Apples and Cinnamon Frebreeze. Kyle jumped.

"Cartman, I didn't fucking shit my pants!" The red-head screamed, running to the bathroom himself to check his pants.

He was right.

He didn't shit his pants.

"My...anus is bleeding, Cartman!" The Jew looked up at his tubby boyfriend. Cartman just shook his head and handed him a bottle of Chipotl-away. Kyle's eyes widened.

"Wha..What?"

"Happens to me all the time, Kahl."

After shitting his underwear for the fourth time in an hour, the Jew returned to their bedroom with a frown. Never again would he eat Chipotle. His need to have sex was long gone, along with his tigthy-whiteys in the trash-bag of their bathroom. Cartman just chuckled as the boy laid down on their bed, body faced to the left.

* * *

**Holy shit, this was the most retarded thing I've ever written ever. Like, wtf.**

**Please love me.**

**Please**

**I can't believe I actually wrote this OMGOMGOGMGOGMG**

**I think I'll go cry. Maybe not.**

**Okay, I did good, right, papa?**

**O-O**


	4. Chapter 3

Leopold Stotch was a nice boy. He was, really. And he really loved Eric Theodore Cartman. Sure, Eric was a meanie, but really, he was nice once you got to know him. And lately, he was spending more time with Kyle, and that ticked him off! Now, Butters was sitting at home, wondering why Eric would even talk to Kyle. Sure, they were friends in elementary school, but they hadn't talked for three years. Eric was his! Sure, he'd never told him how he felt, and Eric never said he felt the same. They always hung out, and Eric would always do *slightly* gay things. Like commenting on how his butt looked in yoga pants, or how cute he looked when he smiled. But now, he was always touching Kyle, and always commenting on Kyle's butt, or how his face looked cute. It made Butters angry! All of them were in Chemistry, and Eric was sitting at a table with Kyle. Butters had to sit with Clyde, and that wasn't fun at all. "Anyway, so Bebe told me that she doesn't know if she wants a relationship with me or not, she's still kinda torn up after Cartman dumped her in July, which is fucking stupid," while Clyde droned on, Butters was watching Eric and Kyle flirt, and he was fuming with some sort of Butters-y anger. He pulled his turquoise long-sleeved shirt down over his hands and bit his lip. _Why doesn't Eric like me_?The question was driving him mad. He'd always been there for Eric, even when he was mean. But why Kyle? Kyle was so mean to him. It was weird.

"S-so, um, Clyde?"

'"Yeah?"

"He dated Bebe?"

"Yeah. Dunno why though. Always thought he was gay."

He shrugged.

_ Me too._

* * *

"Kahl~" Cartman whispered, poking the red-head's thigh with his index finger.

"What? WHAT?"

"You look nice today." Kyle blushed a deep crimson, but tried to hide it behind a mask of anger.

"Ugh, whatever, Cartman." Kyle hates- no- used to hate him, but he didn't know how he felt about him. Cartman was a dick- a giant one. He'd been with more people than Kyle could count, and he always dumped them for something or other.

Kyle thought Cartman would do the same to him, but he was so nice. They were in Chemsitry, and Cartman had decided to sit next to Kyle the first day of school, staking his claim. Kyle hated it at first, but now, it was fun.

"Find your partners, everyone." Mr. Fagitz chirped quickly, writing out the procedures for labs on the chalk board.

Before Cartman could place his hand on Kyle's arm, or vice-versa, Butters howled from across the room

"ERIC CARTMAN IS MINE." Cartman stiffened and looked towards the blonde male.

"Heyyy, Butters. I was gonna work with Kahl..."

"No. You're mine," Butters seethed and shot daggers at the red-head whose face's color deepend into a dark crimson.

"Well, alright. Adieu, Kahl." He smirked and bowed comically towards the red-head. Kyle grimaced and turned towards Clyde.

"Hey, Clyde?"

"Yeah?"

"Wanna work with me?"

"Sure."

* * *

"W-Well, it says we gotta mix chemical A with chemical B." Butters looked over at Cartman, whose eyes were shut like he was sleeping.

"E-E-Eric? C-Can ya wake up?" "Ugh, Butters." The blonde smiled and turned his entire body towards the larger boy and kissed him. Everyone turned and stared as Butters kissed and kissed. Cartman opened one eye and saw Butters, and punched him square in the nose.

"What the fuck, Butters?" The blonde's face reddened as he apologized quietly, covering his nose as blood poured through his fingers. He turned quickly, but before Mr. Fagitz could yell at him, or even get sent to the nurse, Cartman grabbed his arm.

"Wha-Wha-What are you doing, Eric?" The brunette stood up and towered over the blonde boy. He smiled and placed both of his hands on Butters' shoulders and leaned forward. Butters moved his hands to his sides as the brunette kissed him. When they pulled away, Cartman whispered so that everyone could hear.

"I'm sorry. It was unexpected." Butters blushed and looked down. When he looked up, he saw Kyle glaring at him, crushing a test tube in his hands.

He just smiled and looked in Cartman's eyes. They were bored, so unlike his usual greedy glare.

"Well, Eric. Butters. Both of you need to go to the Principal's Office. PA is strictly prohibited in class." As Cartman walked out, he flashed a grin at Kyle, who just turned red and looked down. He couldn't believe it. He kissed Butters? But why? It was driving him mad.

* * *

"Sweetie, why did you kiss Butters in class?" His mother asked. She was peeling potatoes at the kitchen sink and Cartman was sitting at the table eating cheese poofs.

"I dunno, mom. I just wanted to."

"Well, remember you don't do all that for free."

"OH MY GOD, MOM." She turned and laughed, but her eyes were serious.

"You're seriously, mom?"

"Yes, love muffins. I'm "seriously."" She airquoted 'seriously' and laughed again. Cartman's mom was a whore, it was no secret. And occaisonally, she'd hint towards him becoming one, too. Cartman would always laugh and refuse, but he knew he needed a job. His mother could barely afford their house.

"Uhh, Mom?"

"Yes, sweetums?"

"I've got a job interview today. For KFC."

"Oh, that's great! Do you need a ride?"

* * *

"Dude, what the hell? Cartman? Didn't you hate him?"

"Well, yeah.." Stan and Kyle were at the mall, sharing an oreo blast which is NOT GAY. They just didn't have enough money to buy two smalls, so they shared a large. Not gay. Kyle was wearing his favorite green flannel, and he had managed to comb his hair out into waves. Stan, on the other hand looked like he always did- a South Park cows sweatshirt and grey skinny jeans.

He was the quarterback, though he didn't really want to be. He was a hippie in his heart, and he could only express that to Kyle. Kyle loved his best friend. No, not like that. Okay, maybe he was in love with him once, but he had Wendy. And Wendy had Stan, and it was a long time ago. A very, very long time ago.

"Cartman's cool now I guess. He's nice." Kyle said, taking another bite of their oreo blast.

"He's been with everyone and their mother."

"But maybe he can change?"

"No, don't think so." Stan shook his head. Maybe he was right. But Kyle didn't wanna be right.


	5. Chapter 4

The mall was crowded with thirteen year old girls and their moms. Cartman was weaving himself through them, passing Victoria's Secret, American Eagle, and Aeropostale, ya know, all the basic white girl high concentration areas.

He was adament on getting to the food court by 6:15, and it was 6 right now.

"Dammit, move it. Move!" He pushed a blonde ugg-wearing, Starbucks toting twelve year old, trying to get through to the damned food court when he heard that beautiful voice cut through the annoying chatter.

"I'm just saying, Cartman's nice now. In fact, he took me to a movie just last week."

"Well isn't that wonderful?" Stan's grating and low bass voice cut through too, letting Cartman know to not approach them. He straightened his grey pinstripe tie and adjusting his pink button-down, preparing himself for those annoying, damning interviews. He nearly ran to the the food court stand when he heard Kyle speak up.

"Cartman?"

The brunette straightened and turned towards the pair sitting on two white metal chairs.

"Yes. Hello, Kahl. Stan." He nodded.

"Why are you so dressed up?"

"Why, I'd like to become a valued member of the KFC workforce. I'm on my way to the interview right now."

Kyle smiled and nodded slowly.

"Well, I hope you get the job, Fat-ass." Cartman smiled and nodded, rushing towards the stand not but 50 feet away. He was sure he'd get the damn job, no doubt about it.

Token was his manager. Figures.

"See? He's...nicer, right?"

Stan shrugged, putting his spoon into his mouth.

"I dunno, I guess. Hey, it's Friday, wanna go to Dusky's?"

Kyle's eyes widened.

"No, Stan. You know what happened last time. Plus, I don't have my fake I.D,"

"But..." He checked his phone. "It's only 6:20, and I don't wanna go home. Dad and Mom are arguing or whatever, Dad's a dick as always, and Mom...God, I dunno. Please, can we go?"

Kyle sighed. He didn't want to do this.

"If we go, can I invite somebody? I really do not want to hang with Wendy and you and all her friends and all your jocks."

"Yeah."

Kyle first texted Kenny.

**Hey dude wanna go 2 Duskys? Stan is dragging me lol. Please come. I need u lol ..**

Kenny replied 5 minutes later.

**Cnt. Hnging w/ Karen nd Kev. ttyl. srry :( Hv fun! XD**

Kyle sighed. He looked at Stan, a defeated look on his face. Suddenly, he saw Cartman walking towards them, or maybe past them. Before he could run away, Kyle spoke up.

"Hey, fat-ass!"

Cartman turned, smiling.

"Yes, Jew?"

"Wanna go to Dusky's?"

His eyes widened.

"Yes."

* * *

Dusky's is a club located in the shady area of Denver. Originally, it was a small diner, but once the shop was handed down to the owner's only child, a crazy party boy, it turned to hell. The fries were good, though.

Stan was driving his mom's 8-seat SUV, and he was going to stop to pick up Clyde, Craig, and Tweak, but they had pick up Kyle's fake I.D, of course. No one was home so he shot in and out. Once he hopped in the car, they drove to Clyde's, where the three boys were waiting.

Cartman never liked those guys, but he guessed they'd be good company. Once they came, Kyle had to move and sit on Cartman's lap. Kyle blushed, but tried to hide it. He failed.

The hour long drive to Denver was painful enough, but Wendy's constant chatting with Bebe and Bertha were driving Cartman and Kyle mad.

As they drove into Denver, it was turning 8. That was a little early to go to a club, so they all decided to eat at Robbin's, one of Stan and Kyle's favorite restaurants.

Kyle patted his pockets nervously, looking for his wallet. He found it, looking inside, feeling saddened that he only had two dollars. His eyes were wide and sad. Cartman looked over at the red-head and rested his hand on his.

"I'll get it." He whispered, smiling.

Robbin's was a small place, covered in pictures of Elvis and Marilyn Monroe. It seemed like the type of place where workers were required to gel back their hair and wear poodle skirts. A girl, maybe 20-ish, walked up to them, smiling. She had a pink scarf and yep, a poodle skirt.

"Hi, I'm Dixie-Anne, how many?" She smiled.

Stan spoke up, flashing his signature confident-guy smile. "9."

Dixie-Anne blushed a bright red and steered the group towards a large table in the middle of the joint. There were a lot of people here, mostly small families and old couples.

Cartman sat next to Kyle, who sat next to Stan, who sat next to Wendy, who sat next to Bertha, who sat next to Bebe, who sat next to Clyde, who sat next to Craig, who sat next to Tweak, who sat next to Cartman.

They all got three baskets of fries, and they talked, albeit a little loudly, but they were enjoying themselves. Cartman actually found out Clyde wasn't as big a douche he thought he was. In fact, he was a little thoughtful. He'd be a good friend, he made note of that.

After dinner, which ended around 9:30, they bustled out of the restaurant, heading for the silver SUV. Dusky's was only 15 minutes away, so they were there in no time. Stan, Kyle, and Cartman didn't feel like they had dressed appropriately, but everyone else had. Cartman had shrugged, taking off his tie. He unbuttoned the first two buttons on his shirt and lifted his sleeves to his elbows.

"I'm ready."

Dusky's was a large, sprawling warehouse. The original diner was placed next door, and it had become the kitchen/storage room for the bar, which was large and included more than 400 different drinks.

All 9 flashed their at the bodyguard, who shrugged them in. Today was a busy day for Dusky's, and everyone was there. Sweaty bodies pushed together all through the bottom floor, and even in the top floor, which was another dance floor, although it was a little smaller. There was a large stage towards the back of the club, where a woman with bright red hair was singing throatily. People were dancing, girls gyrating, some weren't even moving their bodies, instead, they were smashing lips. It was crazy.

Cartman looked over at Kyle and winked. The red-head blushed before Stan cut in over the loud noises.

"Hey, why don't we go and get drinks?" Wendy smiled and looked at the group, her hand placed firmly on Stan's forearm.

"Yeah guys, I really want something to drink after those burgers."

Everyone laughed and moved to the bar, which was large and had about a hundred people seated or standing near and around it. Bebe ordered Sex on the Beach. Everyone laughed. Wendy just ordered a water at first, but after being coaxed by the group, ordered an apple martini. Bertha got the same. Everyone else was pretty standard. Shot of Bourbon here, Whiskey there.

While every one else went to dance, Kyle stayed at the bar, sipping some drink a pretty blonde woman ordered for him. She tried to talk to him, but he seemed uninterested. He thought she'd ask for the drink back, or her money back, but she didn't, which is pretty cool. She just moved away from him, further down the row, and started hitting on some college jock.

Soon, he had to pee. He finished his drink and moved through the dancing bodies to the only well-lit hallway in the entire building, and even it was filled. Kyle passed by someone who was wearing what Craig was making out very viciously with a a guy who looked like Tweek and oh my god, it was Tweek and Craig. They looked up, fear wide in their eyes.

"Ky-KyLE!"

"Uhh, Kyle?"

The red-head raised his hands as if to say "Hey, I don't care," and walked to the bathroom. After using it, he went to the dancefloor. The song was slow, so everyone had a partner. Every one but Kyle. And Cartman, who was hanging in a corner, watching the red-head's every move.

"Hey, Kahl?" He moved forward, hand stretched.

"Yeah?" Kyle turned and looked at the brunette, hand on hip.

"Wanna dance?" Kyle blushed and nodded. The larger boy's hands were on his hips, and they swayed back and forth to the music. Kyle buried his face into the brunette's neck, inhaling his scent. He smelled like boy and pine forests. The room was dark, so not even Stan could see how close they were, could see the sparks flying just from dancing. It sent his nerves (the good ones, I swear.) on edge. He pulled away from his shoulder and looked into his big brown eyes. Cartman smiled and closed his eyes, leaning in towards the red-heads face.

And they kissed. Kyle twined his fingers into Cartman's thick brown locks and Cartman's hands traveled down to the red-head's butt. And just like that, the song was over. It was back to the pulsing, throbbing music. Cartman and Kyle separated, looking embarassed.

"I'm gonna..."

"Yeah, go ahead. See you, Kahl."

Kyle nodded, moving towards the stairs, where he had seen Stan, Bebe, Bertha, Clyde, and Wendy relaxing on one of the couches on the top floor. He found them with two bottles of whiskey and five shot glasses, all empty.

"Heyyyyyyy, Kyyyylllleeeee." Stan slurred, beckoning him over to where he sat. Wendy was sober, and fully aware of everything that was going on.

"I'll be the designated driver tonight, Kyle. You don't have to worry about anything." The red-head smiled and thanked her, taking a seat next to Stan.

He checked his phone. It was 1:45 A.M, and he had 15 texts from his mom.

**Kyle wat do u want 4 dinner **

**Kyle whats going on? **

**Kyle answer me **

**Bubie Im worried where r u? **

**Kyle where r u? **

**Kyle! **

**Kyle get home rite now**

**R u w Stan?**

**wyd?**

**me and ur dad r going to see divergent w Ike. come w us**

**answer my calls!**

**Kyle ill call 911**

**Kyle!**

Jeez, he should probably call her and tell her everything was fine. He smiled at Wendy apologetically and made his way downstairs and outside.

Once he opened the door, breeze washing over his sweaty body, he dialed his mom's number. She picked up on the second ring.

"Ky-ull! Where have you been, young man? We've been worried sick!"

"Look, mom, I'm sorry. After school, Stan and I went to the mall. Now we're back at his house."

"Is it the one Sharon just got?"

"Yeah. The one downtown? Her and Mr. Marsh are having problems so they're staying there again. I'm sorry, I'll see you tomorrow, okay? We just lost track of time."

"Well, alright. I'm very mad you didn't call earlier. Good night, sweetie." **Click.**

Kyle breathed a sigh of relief. At least he was out of trouble on his mom's part.

He headed back into the club, ready to pass out on Stan's mom's couch. At around 3, people started to trickle out, and the group was ready to go. Wendy drove everyone home. Bertha, Bebe, and Wendy were going to spend the night at Bebe's, so Kyle took over. Once he dropped everyone else off, he woke up Stan and they made their way to his mom's apartment at around 5 AM. Once Kyle walked in, he collapsed on Stan's couch and slept until the scent of waffles and eggs woke him up a mere 4 hours later.

Shelley was making breakfast, an apron around her waist. She turned towards the red-head, a glare on her face. After all these years, how is she still so angry? Stan walked out of his room holding his head.

"Mom's gone to work, so she made me make you guys food. Drink too much, little turd?" She smiled and asked Stan as he sat down at the kitchen table. Just to give him a big headache, she took out plates and cups noisily, banging everything together.

"Okay, Shelley, I get it. Shut up." She glared, but stopped everything. Kyle thanked her quietly and ate his breakfast.

"Okay, what do you wanna do today?" Kyle asked, nibbling on a a crispy waffle.

"I dunno. Die?"

"Well, we can't do that. Let's go to the park."

Stan just grunted and rested his head on the table, pinching his big blue eyes shut.

"Well, I need to go take a shower and get changed. Will you or Shelley drive me to my house and I'll swing by later?"

Stan just grunted again, making no sign of getting up. Shelley grunted.

"I'll do it."

* * *

Once Kyle got home, he showered and apologized to his mom for not calling again. He decided to let Stan rest and thought he should sleep, too.

Once he plopped onto his bed and closed his eyes, he was asleep. And all he dreamed about was his kiss with Cartman.

* * *

**Okay, hello! Yay, I actualy started writing this around five hours ago, and I'm really proud of how much I got out! I'm really happy. So, what'd you think? Good, bad, awful? Well, whatever it is, I thank you for the feedback!**

**Thanks,**

**Zaki-Chan~**


	6. Chapter 5

**This chapter is dedicated to MewRainbow100l You're my little Kahl! And I mean that in the most platonic way possible. :***

**Enjoy~ (Or, at least try to, amiright?)**

**Please comment, favorite, follow, and review! It means a lot to me! :) :) :)**

The library on Monday morning was dark and empty. Kyle, our unsung hero, was the only library aide and he had to catalogue over one hundred books in the hour before school started.

While he was packing and counting and recounting and putting information into the library computer, he heard the creaking of the old door, and the shuffling of fabric swishing as whoever it was made their way over to him.

"Kahl."

The red-head brightened deeply and turned to face him, pushing a curly lock behind his ear.

"Hello, Cartman." His voice was stoic and reserved, but the bright color of his cheeks proved him otherwise. The fat bastard smiled brighter than he'd ever seen before and he took a seat next to him.

"Want help?"

The red-head bristled.

"Sure."

And they worked for several minutes, until Cartman started to yawn very, very theatrically. Kyle rolled his eyes and continued working. They only had 30 minutes until the breakfast mob came into the library for orange juice and graham crackers.

"Kahl."

"What?"

"I'm bored."

"Yeah. So am I. But we need to keep working."

"No we don't."  
"Yes. We do."

"No, we don't"

"CARTMAN."

"What?"

"Shut. Up."

The large brunette smiled, and in one gracious second, kissed him, his large hand cradling his dainty significant other's soft locks. When they pulled away for breath, Kyle saw Eric's face was flushed pink, and his eyes looked at something beyond them.

"What are you looking at?"

"That." He smiled his biggest cutest smile and pointed at-

"No, Cartman. I'm NOT going into a supply closet."

"Yeah you are."

"No."

"Pleeeaaassseee?" His big brown orbs were watery. How could anyone say no to that face?

"No. Fine. Five minutes."

"Yayyy." Eric grabbed Kyle's hand and pratically dragged him into the closet. Once the door shut, their bodies were pressed tight like sardines in a tin, brooms and bleach poking into their backs, and their hands were grasping anything and everything.

They pulled away for breath.

"Hey, Kahl?"

"What?"

"Um...will you uh..?"

"What?"

"Um..." Cartman pointed to his pants.

"What? No. No. No. No."

"KAH-ULLL! You got me all worked up and now I have to walk out, boner in hand?"

"Dammit, Cartman." He got on his knees. And started to do God knows what with you know who. Cartman giggled ever so often, occasionally stopping to take out his phone and snap pictures of the red-head doing, well, you know. Once the fat-ass spilled his load all over the freckled boy's face, they left the supply closet, only 5 minutes until the breakfast mob came.

"Dammit, Cartman! I had to catalogue those today!"

"Well, sorry." He chuckled and left the room, making sure to slam the library door shut. Kyle sighed heavily and got back to work. He was partially pissed due to the fact CARTMAN DIDN'T RETURN THE FAVOR. So he was going to walk funny for the next hour or so and it's all because of that _fat-ass_.

"Dude."

"Stan, don't look at me like that."

"The library supply closet? Dude, that's gross."

"Don't say that! You lost your virginity to a hippie in a portapotty and she gave you syphillis! So don't even."

"Dude. Not cool."

"Whatever, I'm going over to Cartman's."

"Why?"

"I'm bored, alright?"

"Well, expect not getting another favor returned, Kyle. You know how that selfish bastard is."

Kyle rolled his eyes and left his best friend's mother's apartment and walked to his beat up 1995 Silver Ford Wind-Star. Once he got in, he started up the car after seven unsuccesful tries and 10 angry minutes of cussing later. He'd decided to stop by 7-11 and get Gatorade (White Cherry, of course.) and a box of condoms. As soon as he was checking out, a familiar figure strolled in with an ample breasted blonde girl on his arm.

"Kenny?"

"Oh, hey dude."

"Who's that?"

The girl broke away from his old friend's arm and walked up to the red-head, placing a Frech Manicured nail on his shoulder.

"I'm Kenzie."

"And he's gay. Back off my man, bitch."

Cartman walked into the store, and suddenly, the place was too warm to bear.

"Excuse me, fat-ass?"

"You heard me, "Kenzie""

"Bitch."

"Slut"

"Fag"

"Fake."

"Fat."

"Ugly!"

Kenzie gasped, but then turned red in anger.

"The fuck did you just call me?"

"You heard me. U-G-L-Y."

And that's when all Hell broke loose.

Long story short, Kenzie's got a black eye and Kenny's dead. Again.

**No, our favorite ship has yet to engage in coitus. Doesn't that piss you off? How does a person even write porn? I kinda wanna do that, but I don't have experience in the field. Omg, today, my dad came in my room and saw the lotion spill on my bed and he thought it was cum. He doesn't even look like cum. Wtf, dad.**

**Anyway, I need HELP ON CONSTRUCTING THE NEXT CHAPTERS AND OTHER STORIES. These are just as much yours as they are mine. Well, maybe that's not true but you guys matter. Because I need to please ya!**

**Loves and kisses,**

**Zaki-Chan~**


	7. Chapter 6

**Hi, guys. My stomach is **_**killing**_** me, so I figured "What the hell, let's write." I can not live in pain ugh.**

**Oh, before I go on, I'd like to dedicate this chapter to my bffs in the whole fucking world, Lydia and Jah :*. Y'all are the 2/3 of my crew and I just can't. Elijah doesn't read this cus it's "gayyyy" but IDGAF. You guys are my muse, my flame. And while your smile lights up the room, but your vaginas clear them in mere seconds. Vagisil. Anyway, I love you two to the depths of my hairy lady-queen-king-girl heart. I love you. I'm seriously, you guys. :***

**OMG HOW COULD I FORGET ABOUT MY OTHER MUSE, AND MY OTHER FLAME, THE PRECIOUS DEJAH BABY 4. YOU'RE MY BFSF FOREVER BABY-CHILE. WE NEED TO HANG OUT. LOVES :*. Please let me poop at your house. **_**Please.**_

**Alright, lettuce move on. "Hey, that's not how you use lettuce..." Hey, guess what? FUCK YOUR ASS. HAPPY NOW? YEAH,I'LL BET YOU ARE. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. MMMHMHHAHAHA. Wait, am I crazy?**

**"Will the inevitiable love making occur this chapter?! WILL IT?! ZAKI, TELL US! TELL US! OR WRITE IT OUT! I WANNA READ SMUT!"**

**And how do I respond? **

**"Jesus Shirt, all of you, Jesus. READ THE FLIPPIN' CHAPTER, GOSH! I'm sorry,I rewatched Napoleon Dynamite. I need to poop. Well, I did and my stomach doesn't hurt anymore. Thanks for being a part of my life, anon readers. :)"**

**Oops, I want a shwarma. Those sound really gross but idgaf. I've never eaten one before. I NEED TO DIE OCCAISOMALLY LIKE KENNY DOES. **

**HEy, my 11 year old sister is in love with WWE, and Seamus is her favorite, and I only know who he is because he's her wallpaper/life. Anyway, I saw this poster of him and he looked constipated. His face was like "I need to poop, but I caaaan't" Or he was like "I'm afraid of what's behind the caaammeerrra" *hispanic girl voice* I'm actually really good at that accent. My tum-tum hurts again.**

**:D**

**Okay, so enjoy, I guess?**

**:)**

* * *

"Sex?"

"Yes, sex would be good." Kyle nodded and looked at Cartman, who was about to climb into his red pick-up. The larger boy looked back at the red-head and smiled.

"My place?"

"Yeah. See you later, Cartman."

They parted ways for only 10 minutes. Kyle turned into the parking lot. Once he got out, he walked up to the "Mountainside Luxury Apartments-Building C" to whichever number Cartman texted him seven minutes prior.

**Knock Knock. **Kyle rapped softly on Cartman's bright red door. He prayed his mother wasn't there. After a delay of maybe a minute or so, the large boy answered the door, a cool breeze washing over the red-head's extremely warm body.

"Kahl."

"Cartman. Is your mom here, I don't-"

"Shush." Cartman put his finger on Kyle's lips.

"I live here alone."

"What?"

"I was living practically next door to you in the beginning of the year, jeez, Kahl. I got a job a few days ago, and I told my mom I didn't wanna live at the house if I had a job. Sooo...we signed a lease agreement, Bill, her boyfriend, chipped in, I bought some furniture on credit and viola! My own place. Tour?"

"Um...sure."

They walked into a rather large place, despite the small building and the fact they were on the third floor.

"Welcome to Muy Casa. I'm sorry I can't cook you dinner at the moment, I moved in yesterday and haven't had the time to purchase any foo-"

Kyle cut him off with a kiss and a firm grip on the crotch. Cartman pushed back with equal velocitiy, pushing the small red-head up onto his counter. They ripped each other's clothes off eagerly, and the large boy picked the red-head up and took him into the large bed-room off the dining room-living room combo, and they collapsed onto his King sized bed. Once Kyle finished ripping both of their clothes off, he moved his head down to Cartman's penis (haha, penis) region.

"Kahl?"

"Yes?"

"Can we just cuddle?"

'WHAT THE FUCK, CARTMAN."

"Wha-at? I'm seriously not in the mood now."

"I got Garorade, Cartman. GATORADE. And those barely-there condoms. Dude, I came prepared."

"Kahl, if you don't respect my choices, and all you want is my body, then maybe you should leave."

"Goddammit."

Kyle sighed angrily and laid in bed next to Cartman, prompting the larger boy to place his arm around his shoulders and turn on Netflix.

"Can we watch Supernatural?"

"I _love _Supernatural." Cartman clicked onto one his favorite episodes. "I ship Destiel."

"Who doesn't?"

"Gays."

"I'm gay."

"Then...Gingers."

Kyle's brow furrowed."I'm a Ginger."

"Jews."

"GODDAMMIT, CARTMAN."

"Okay, okay."

Several hours passed, and Cartman _still_ wasn't in the mood, and frankly, Kyle was getting pissed.

"Dammit, Cartman, just ram it in."

"I caaaannn't,"

"And why is that?"

"Becauuussseeeeee."

"I'm just gonna go home and watch porn, then."

"Ewwwwww."

"What? Why the "ewww"?"

"Porn is grosssss."

"You're gross. And fat."

"HEY! I'm big-boned, alright?"

"Sure. Goodnight, Cartman."

And with that, Kyle left.

* * *

He drove for hours, going nowhere. His mom called, and Stan called, and his ex-boyfriend Kevin called, but he didn't even care. He kept driving and driving until he reached the gay hook-ups park. Whenever he was angry, he'd blow off steam here.

He took a seat at one of the benches and pulled out a cigarette.

"Hey." Someone laid a heavy hand on his shoulder.

"Let's go."

The sky was dark, but he was fine; he didn't want to see the faces of the ones he'd had sex with so shamefully. He found his favorite stop, a soft patch of dry grass near a small pond with a large Weeping Willow that could cover their bodies.

"Kahl. Stop."

The Ginger stopped dead in his tracks.

"Cartman."

"I followed you." He smiled sheepishly. "Have you done this before?"

He turned red. "Yeah.."

"Come on, let's go home."

"But my car..."

Catman sighed and dragged him to the back of his pickup.

"Let's look at the stars."

"I have needs, Cartman."

"Well, put it aside for now."

And they looked at the stars until Kyle's eyes slid shut and Cartman drove him home.

They arrived at Kyle's house, the red-head still snoring softly in the seat next to him. Cartman chuckled softly and got out of the car, rounding around the front to pick up the boy he should hate, but doesn't. He brought him to the front door and rapped softly.

* * *

"Eric!"

"Kahl came over and passed out. I'll come over tomorrow so we can get his car."

"That's great. Good night, sweetie."

"Goodnight."

* * *

**I'm in the midst of finishing Oh, Kyle. GUYS WHAT DO YOU THINK SO FAR? I'M SORRY THE UNINEVITABLE LOVE MAKING ISN'T OCCURING YET. I'M NERVOUS. :(**

**It gives me the nervous shits and that's not gooooooddddddd. Waaah :(**

**STOP PRESSURING ME I RESPECT MY BODY, OKAY?!**

**Damn, I need to **_**chill out, mon.**_

**Anyway, have a great day and make sure to favorite/follow/review.**

**It means the world to me :)**

**Love,**

**Your favorite dildo,**

**Zaki-Chan**


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